Monday, May 6, 2013

Chivalry is not dead!


Chivalry is a medieval concept or "code of conduct" in reference to the institution of knighthood from the Middle Ages. It involves honor, gallantry, and service to others as well as personal disciple and duty. Knights had to be strong and fierce, but also kind and gentle. Thus the phrase "a knight in shining armor". 

Chivalry is not dead. However, there seems to be a great lack of "knights", and a great many lack of "ladies".  Unfortunately feminists objected to the concept of chivalry, and when an ideal is no longer upheld as sacred or simply important, we end up with the society we know today. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of girl to sit around the castle and wait for my knight to return from battle. I'm the kind to get on my own horse ready to fight alongside. I'm not a Sleeping Beauty kind of girl. I'm a Mulan or Merida (from Brave) kind of girl. But that doesn't mean I can't support chivalry. 



If we (females) start acting like real women, then maybe men will start acting like real men. So here are some tips on how to navigate through the (sometimes awkward since we aren't accustomed to it) acts of chivalry:

If you are a guy who for some reason doesn't want to perform these acts for your peers, do them for your mom/sisters/female relatives. BE THAT GUY!

It doesn't matter who the lady is. Be a gentleman and no matter the circumstances, and a true lady will rise to the occasion of being one!

Support your Local Chivalry: It's not flirting, it is basic respect and courtesy to a female no matter the personal interest you may have in her.

  • Holding doors:
    • GUYS: Ok this may be the most basic one in the book. But it will never go out of style. ALWAYS let the ladies in first. If a girl gets to the door first and holds it, take the door from her and let her go in before you.
    • GIRLS: If you are walking in to a door with a guy, let him ahead of you. As a fast walker myself, I have to consciously remind myself to slow down at the door. You aren't being a brat by allowing him the opportunity to open the door. You are being a lady.
And keep this in mind: 
  • Walking on the sidewalk:
    • GUYS: You should always walk on the street side of the sidewalk/road/path. By taking the outer edge, you are hemming the female in. Its a protective gesture that says "You are safe with me." If she is walking on the outside, gently guide her in and take that spot. 
    • GIRLS: If the guy is clueless, I'm afraid I have no advice for you. Don't make things awkward by bringing it up. Unfortunately this isn't a common chivalrous act anymore. So don't take offense.
  • Paying for the bill:
    • GUYS: This can be an interesting one. If you are out with a bunch of friends, don't feel the need to cover someone's tab simply because she is female. Unless she is there with you specifically, you may make things awkward if there isn't an expectation there that you will cover it. But if you are out with her whether intentionally or not, and you want to do a nice act, pay for her coffee/movie ticket/meal. I was once out with some of my engaged friends. We were out enjoying drinks and dessert. I fully intended to pay for my items. But when the waitress came, he secretly told her it was all on his tab, and covered the meal. I can't begin to tell you how blessed and impressed I was. He had no motive besides doing a kind favor for me. And he got major man points in my book.
    • GIRLS: Be prepared to cover your tab. If he offers to cover it, graciously allow him to. And thank him more than once. Make him feel appreciated, and show your gratitude.
  • Open the car door:
    • GUYS: This seems unnecessary doesn't it? It does to girls to. But then, so do most things on the list of chivalry. Basically if you don't do this, no one will even think twice about it. But if you DO do this, they won't forget it.
    • GIRLS: Let him do it. And thank him. But don't over-analyze and think he's doing it just for you. 

  • Give her your seat:
    • GUYS: Always give a lady your seat. If she is female, breathing, and in need of a place to sit down, give her your spot. If you don't have a spot to give her, request a fellow member of your sex to allow the lady to sit in his seat. You will forever be a hero.
    • GIRLS: Accept the seat. Don't refuse them. You don't look independent by toughing it out and standing. You look like a stuck-up brat. Believe me, I've done this...the wrong way.
  • Help her in or out of her coat:
    • GUYS: If she is wearing some type of heavier outer garment that requires removal at any point, help her out of it. And find a place to hang it or stow it for safe-keeping (find a coat rack/hanger/whatever).
    • GIRLS: Allow him to help you. And if you have hat, scarf, gloves, or anything else, let him take those too.
  • Lead-- Go first:
    • GUYS: Be the first to walk across a street or crosswalk. Be the first to navigate puddles. Find a seat in the movie theater and let her in first so you are on the outside. When walking through a crowd, go first and make a path for her. When in a crowd, never turn your back to her completely. 
    • GIRLS: If he does it, let him. And thank him. Don't protest his seat choice, or the route he chooses to take. Let him lead. Keep your mouth shut.
  • Carry her stuff: 
    • GUYS: I don't think you need to offer to carry her purse, but anything else should be safe. (Extra bag, coat, backpack, dishes, etc)
    • GIRLS:  If you are feeling very labored down with carrying things, I think its safe to ask for help. Even if they sometimes don't offer to help, most guys are more than willing to lend a hand. And enjoy doing it.
  • Give her yours:
    • GUYS: Do you have a coat/sweater/anything and she doesn't? Give her yours. Do you have a drink or food that she may enjoy? Offer it. Does she maybe need a ride? Give her one. 
    • GIRLS: Accept what is offered. Say thank you.

  • Walk her to her car:
    • GUYS: Even if her car is 5 blocks in the opposite direction from yours, or if it is right next to yours, walk her to her car. If there are multiple females in your company, ask them to go with you to each car until everyone is safely in their vehicle. Even if she has pepper spray and took self-defense. It isn't an evaluation of her ability to defend herself  but an accurate evaluation of the world we live in. And take it a step further: wait with her until her car successfully starts! 
    • GIRLS: If a guy does this, you should be so appreciative. I don't care how tough you are. I'm a 6'0 tall athlete who isn't afraid of much, and I still want a guy to walk me to my car. I had a friend's boyfriend walk me to my car once, and I felt so safe!

  • Don't do it to get anything back!
    • GUYS: Your motive is this: honor and respect for others and yourself. Nothing more.
    • GIRLS: Don't over-analyze it. Let him be a gentleman without any strings attached.


So in closing, whether male or female, support your local chivalry!

 How have you been blessed by a chivalrous act?
What would you suggest as an addition to this list?
Do females have more responsibility in it than may be presumed?
Tell me about it!