Two weekends ago I went to Wisconsin for my roomate Allison Marshall's wedding. She is now Allison Miller :) She married Matt, a great guy who I loved getting to know this year.
Allison was a gem of a roomate this year. She's such a cool person. When I think of a delimma, I always think "Allison would know what to do." Everything from who to call to where to go, she just knows. And when tragedy struck my family, she was in the room with one of my best friends Lissie when I got the call. I don't remember much beyond my own dark grief, but I know she handled much of the details of preparing me to fly home quickly. She's just amazing like that.
Allison and Matt got married at Honeyrock, a camp in northern WI. It was freezing, but beautiful :) I felt so priviliged to be a part of it. Getting to know her family was a blessing as well. I enjoyed every minute I spent with them.
I always get a bit despondent when I have a minute to steal away from the duties or activity of weddings. Its never because of the weddings themselves. I love weddings. I love everything about them from the gathering of close family, friends and loved ones to the celebratory nature and purity of purpose. Believe me, I'm a true fan of weddings. But lets just say that God has yet to make me content in my singleness. Don't get me wrong- I'm very content and blessed in my life right now. My gratitude is not lacking, even in my singleness. But this is my blog, so I get to say what I want. And weddings, thought beautiful and wonderful, always make me a bit sad that its not me, nor will be me anytime soon. So there. Don't pity me. I said it because I can.
The Miller wedding was a wonderful transition from Graduation weekend into the summer. We ate great food at the reception, educated ourselves on what to order from an open bar :) and danced to good music and lit sparklers to light their way on into the blissful blue yonder known as their honeymoon. It was great.
My first week in my new apartment with my awesome roomate and friend Danielle Klee felt like a vacation. We cooked good food, watched quality shows such as Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, processed our respectively difficult senior years, and started working and paying bills like adults. Then I loaded up my convertible and headed south for my brother's wedding. Crazy.
I get so exhausted from road trips. Its ironic, I know. All I'm doing is sitting. But in my car, with no AC, and 11 hours of just me, my boring book on CD and the truckers, it can get a bit fatiguing.
I made it nonetheless. I stopped for gas and water, deciding I wouldn't be using calories, so why eat? My first destination: Knoxville TN. I picked up my darling new little puppy, Cora Primrose of Kensington :) Yes, I know, its a long name, but she has to have such a name for AKC breeding purposes. She's a chocolate longhair dachshund, and I'm very happy with her. She is already on her way to being housetrained. However, sleeping arrangements are going to be more of a hassle I'm thinking. Last night she would only sleep if she was tucked under my chin or lying across my shoulders. This meant I did not sleep much.
I am home right now- the real home- home in the mountains, in the country. The air smells life-giving. The breeze feels like water. The warmth reaches out to my starving skin. Home- therapy.
Papaw was waiting at the house when I got home. He always worries about me on the long drive when I do it alone. All his years of trucking and hauling apples/watermelons to the market keep him alert to my travel status. Its one of the ways he shows me love, and I like it.
Sitting with my parents while they watched the finale of Dancing with the Stars, and playing with our four longhaired dachshunds was satisfying to my soul. I wanted to cry. This- being with family, home, for a celebratory weekend- this is good.
Good is a word I've really struggled with this year. What is good? Why is it good? How if God good?
I've fought against believing God is good this year. I was able to justify myself- there was only tragedy in our family this year. My grandparents both suffered extreme accidents and life-altering prognoses. My precious and beloved cousin who was my companion to Poland two years ago passing away of sudden illness. My own personal battles amidst and against life.
I wish I could answer my own questions when they hang in the air half-heartedly expectant. But I do know this: life has become sweeter this year, in a humbling sort of way. This time last year I still would have relished in the beautiful weather I am experiencing. I would have enjoyed my family and loved my dogs. But not the same as I do now.
No, now its as if I've had my mouth washed out with soap; but becaue of that all the sweet things taste sweeter. The flavors are alive and poignant. Aromas are potent, and sights are vivid. Emotions are tentative but sincere.
I have been humbled and I have been exalted. But may I learn to live the same in the midst of both.
One of my favorite professors from Wheaton said it should be our goal "to know yourself so completely that nothing shocks, disarms or embarrasses you." May this be tru in whatever road you are on today :)
