I take care of an almost-one-year old. Its my current job. As much as it keeps my pride in check to still live near my alma mater and have to declare myself a "nanny", I don't hate the job. Its not difficult by any means, which is part of the tedium. But its quite amazing how much of Jesus you can find amidst the diapers, bottles, drool and snot. No, I'm not advocating pantheism, I'm simply saying that when you are looking for Him, he can be found even in the most trivial of tasks. Like I usually mention, there is glory in the mundane. And the past few months have been me discovering just that.
I've developed a language with my baby. We have a certain humor, and I would say we communicate pretty well. Even the dog and I have conversations. I've considered starting a running list that turns into one of those calendars they sell at stands in the mall at Christmas:
You Know You're a Nanny when....you have formula all over your back seat. You know you're a nanny when... if they had a "minute to win it" on changing diapers, you would crush the competition. You know you're a nanny when...you've developed a new word that transcends "ambidextrous" to include your feet, mouth, neck and thighs called "bodydextrous". You know you're a nanny when...you want to ask for a raise because the dog cries more than the baby. You know you're a nanny when...you're body is violated in a dozen ways every day that you are powerless to avoid. And my most recent: You know you're a nanny when...the sound of your noisemaker at night is so similar to the sound of the baby moniter, you have to adjust to a different sound otherwise you won't sleep for fear of the dreaded "waking cry".
I guess all these could be applied to moms as well. And that doesn't encourage me much, or at all. I'm too young to be a mom. I'm 23. I'm healthy. I'm vibrant. I have good style. I drive a convertible. With a car seat. Oh...
As my grandmother used to say, "the point is", that even in these things, I've found humor, joy, peace, beauty, life, gratitude, and love. And he's not even my baby! And Rosie's not even my dog! This gives me hope for my own days of motherhood.
I know that this is a season in my life, and compared to my past 7 or so years, its nothing like my life has been. But thats ok. Its been a lot of growth and change, and failures. I may not be doing what I expected or wanted to be doing, but I've been doing what I could, and its been good. And besides the baby and the dog, I get to go do life with people that are sloppy, messy, and drop dead beautiful. And I love doing life like that.
I went to an equestrian center with some friends this week. They were a little shocked at my boldness with the horses, and my knowledge of them. Well, you can take the girl out of the farm and the country, but you can't take the farm and the country out of the girl. Once a southerner, always a southerner. And when I was walking around that equestrian center, I didn't care I was getting my nice clothes all dirty and smelly. I love the smell of horses too much to care about that. And life is so much more fun messy, and sloppy. If my baby wants to kiss my neck and face with slobber running down his chin, I'll let him. Because I'd rather take care of a happy drooly baby than a clean ornery one.
And I'd rather live life messy and beautiful than clean and dull. I don't love getting sweaty, but I love dancing hard more! I don't enjoy dirty feet, but I love wearing flip flops 24/7. I hate doing laundry, but I don't mind getting filthy doing something fun or productive. As they say, a little dirt never hurt nobody!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
The predicament, (or the glory?), of Dreams
I'm a Disney fan. If you know me personally, you know that this is a very profound truth. I love all things Disney. (The OLD Disney). The song goes like this: "A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep..." It has a lovely melody line, as do most Disney classic songs. I could sing them all day long...
However, I don't know whether to believe Disney here or not. What is a dream? Not the things that float across your eyeballs when you are sleeping, but the dreams of your heart...those wishes or desires or whatever you want to call them. What are they? Let me define the dream I'm talking about before I go any further.
The dictionary has specific descriptions of the word that I think make my meaning:
1. A cherished hope; ambition; aspiration
Hmmmm. Very interesting (said while stroking chin methodically). Here's the predicament of dreams:
WHY??
As in: Why do we have them? Is it a result of our FLESH or our SPIRIT? Or some random combination of both? Whats the purpose of them?
I am looking through a Biblical lens. I know what secular dreams entail. Ultimately, they are all the American Dream. Even Koreans and Ugandans have an American Dream. It is this: health, wealth, and happiness. Ok so what I'm talking about in terms of dreams is something not altogether unrelated, but also not the same topic.
As a Christian, as someone who seeks God first and foremost, I want to know what our dreams look like to him. Did he place them there? Are they not so far removed from the dreams that the people in the Bible had that were God-inspired? No, I think that is a revelation. I don't believe the dreams I'm talking about is a revelation of God's truth. Dreams like curing cancer, or ridding an African country of hunger and poverty, or founding an orphanage in the wreckage of Haiti, or penetrating the darkness of a city in whatever means necessary. Epic dreams. Is that redundant?
So again, what are dreams? What constitutes a dream for a God-fearing immortal in human form? Do they have a place in our thoughts? Are they purely selfish in motivation? Or is that what separates the "dreams" from the "revelations"? What's the point in having a dream if it doesn't come true? Do Christians have these types of dreams? If so, whats the point? Do they pursue them? Should they?
Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, and it was a good dream, and it came true. And it was a selfless dream, but a very personal dream as well. There are a bazillion quotes on acheiving your dreams, and pursuing your dreams, and reaching your dreams. Goethe said ""Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men." Is that what a dream should be? Something that moves the hearts of men? Or is it like what Shakespeare said "...We are such stuff as dreams are made of...", that is to say, we are as transient as the wind. Which means dreams are transient, and thus unreliable, much less deserving of relentless pursuit. Even Eleanor Roosevelt believed in dreams; "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Hm. So now I won't have a future unless I have a dream.
Well I do happen to have dreams. Thus the reason for this knowledge wonderlust. I have some mild dreams, and some grandiose dreams that, if I were completely honest with myself, I am terrified of and would scarcely admit to them if I was paid.
And then there is this quote that I heard one time...and its from a longer passage that I will insert here:
This is from Mark Batterson's Lion Chaser's Manifesto:
Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshipping what’s right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don’t try to be who you’re not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion.
And later he says in his blog,
We need to dream big dreams not because we need to accomplish big things. What we accomplish is a byproduct. We need to dream big dreams because it keeps us on our knees in raw dependence upon God. Unless He intervenes we look foolish. Dreams have far more to do with who we become in the process than the what we accomplish. They stretch us. And that’s why they are so good for us. You want to take your prayer life to the next level? Dream God-sized dreams!
So there's my answer. I dream because it keeps me from getting comfortable or content. Not that good spiritual contentment, but the fear-induced contentment that results from our staying in our comfort zone.
I've always been a dreamer...till I got a big dose of reality and decided I would be safer not dreaming. Then when I started flirting with dreams again, I realized I needed to reconcile this one predicament before I continued my dreamless life, or my dream-living life. And I needed to choose.
So I choose to dream. Epic dreams of goliath proportions. Because I know it will wear out my knees. And it will require me to surrender myself to change and growth. And as Donald Miller says, thats the point of our stories (our dreams): not the end, but everything in between. The character arc. Miller also says "Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into leading a boring life."
Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. The thing that Perfect Love casts out.
Looks like I gotta start doing me some dreaming!
If you want some extra information:
Donald Miller's blog: so great!
http://donmilleris.com/2010/01/01/living-a-good-story-an-alternative-to-new-years-resolutions/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tjYoKCBYag
However, I don't know whether to believe Disney here or not. What is a dream? Not the things that float across your eyeballs when you are sleeping, but the dreams of your heart...those wishes or desires or whatever you want to call them. What are they? Let me define the dream I'm talking about before I go any further.
The dictionary has specific descriptions of the word that I think make my meaning:
1. A cherished hope; ambition; aspiration
Hmmmm. Very interesting (said while stroking chin methodically). Here's the predicament of dreams:
WHY??
As in: Why do we have them? Is it a result of our FLESH or our SPIRIT? Or some random combination of both? Whats the purpose of them?
I am looking through a Biblical lens. I know what secular dreams entail. Ultimately, they are all the American Dream. Even Koreans and Ugandans have an American Dream. It is this: health, wealth, and happiness. Ok so what I'm talking about in terms of dreams is something not altogether unrelated, but also not the same topic.
As a Christian, as someone who seeks God first and foremost, I want to know what our dreams look like to him. Did he place them there? Are they not so far removed from the dreams that the people in the Bible had that were God-inspired? No, I think that is a revelation. I don't believe the dreams I'm talking about is a revelation of God's truth. Dreams like curing cancer, or ridding an African country of hunger and poverty, or founding an orphanage in the wreckage of Haiti, or penetrating the darkness of a city in whatever means necessary. Epic dreams. Is that redundant?
So again, what are dreams? What constitutes a dream for a God-fearing immortal in human form? Do they have a place in our thoughts? Are they purely selfish in motivation? Or is that what separates the "dreams" from the "revelations"? What's the point in having a dream if it doesn't come true? Do Christians have these types of dreams? If so, whats the point? Do they pursue them? Should they?
Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, and it was a good dream, and it came true. And it was a selfless dream, but a very personal dream as well. There are a bazillion quotes on acheiving your dreams, and pursuing your dreams, and reaching your dreams. Goethe said ""Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men." Is that what a dream should be? Something that moves the hearts of men? Or is it like what Shakespeare said "...We are such stuff as dreams are made of...", that is to say, we are as transient as the wind. Which means dreams are transient, and thus unreliable, much less deserving of relentless pursuit. Even Eleanor Roosevelt believed in dreams; "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Hm. So now I won't have a future unless I have a dream.
Well I do happen to have dreams. Thus the reason for this knowledge wonderlust. I have some mild dreams, and some grandiose dreams that, if I were completely honest with myself, I am terrified of and would scarcely admit to them if I was paid.
And then there is this quote that I heard one time...and its from a longer passage that I will insert here:
This is from Mark Batterson's Lion Chaser's Manifesto:
Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshipping what’s right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don’t try to be who you’re not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion.
And later he says in his blog,
We need to dream big dreams not because we need to accomplish big things. What we accomplish is a byproduct. We need to dream big dreams because it keeps us on our knees in raw dependence upon God. Unless He intervenes we look foolish. Dreams have far more to do with who we become in the process than the what we accomplish. They stretch us. And that’s why they are so good for us. You want to take your prayer life to the next level? Dream God-sized dreams!
So there's my answer. I dream because it keeps me from getting comfortable or content. Not that good spiritual contentment, but the fear-induced contentment that results from our staying in our comfort zone.
I've always been a dreamer...till I got a big dose of reality and decided I would be safer not dreaming. Then when I started flirting with dreams again, I realized I needed to reconcile this one predicament before I continued my dreamless life, or my dream-living life. And I needed to choose.
So I choose to dream. Epic dreams of goliath proportions. Because I know it will wear out my knees. And it will require me to surrender myself to change and growth. And as Donald Miller says, thats the point of our stories (our dreams): not the end, but everything in between. The character arc. Miller also says "Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into leading a boring life."
Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. The thing that Perfect Love casts out.
Looks like I gotta start doing me some dreaming!
If you want some extra information:
Donald Miller's blog: so great!
http://donmilleris.com/2010/01/01/living-a-good-story-an-alternative-to-new-years-resolutions/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tjYoKCBYag
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